Three Things You Might Want To Try

Again, I’m no expert, (if you have any question about this, read my disclosures) but here are three things that, if you have not already tried, you might want to think about.

1. Use your partner’s verbal and non verbal cues / clues to try to determine what EXACTLY is the cause of the break up / divorce. What does your partner want / need that they aren’t getting and how can you provide it in a way that won’t be too obvious or drive them further away? (Hint: This is almost always a lack of intimacy – what caused it will most certainly vary – but the end result is usually a feeling of disconnect.

2. Pick your poison, so to speak. Choose a method to meet both you and your partner’s needs. This make take some careful planning. And, how you come at them is going to depend on your partner’s personality.  Some will respond to Waterman’s “both partners should be happy and equal” approach, while others may need a gentle nudge with the perceived scarcity of Jackson’s approach. I know some think that this is game playing, but my husband isn’t mad I played this.  The end result was worth it (and I really didn’t know that I was playing it at the time.)

3. Keep creating / participating in situations  that allow you to improve the relationship by meeting both of your needs. This may require you to move very slowly.  You may have to play the friend card for a while or you may need a perceived break (even if you are the only one who knows it won’t last.) Show your spouse the person they fell in love with. Keep repeating this process until your relationship is where you want it. (Be careful that none of this reads as fake or insincere and don’t overdo it to drive your spouse further away.) It’s a lot to think about and I can not offer any guarantees.  Admittedly, you will need your partner’s cooperation at some point, but focusing on yourself and the positive are good ideas in my humble opinion.  But, that’s all it is – an opinion. (terms of service, disclosures)

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