Part Two My Great Escape

I now had to accept that this was a bad situation that I couldn’t make any decent change with my current desperate plan. Because I was essentially out of options, oh so tired and needing some TLC (which I wasn’t going to get from him), I decided to go back to my hometown (several states away) and hang out with family and old friends.
Yes, this was running away. Yes, this was probably not a good move at the time. But, if I had stayed, I would’ve kept right on going with antics that frankly were beneath the person I wanted to be and knew I really was.

 There was no sinister plan in going home. It was running away, pure and simple. While on the plane heading home, I read the only book I had (Amy Waterman’s Save My Marriage Today), that a “friend” had given me about saving my marriage. It listed things that you ABSOLUTELY MUST NOT DO in order to preserve your personal integrity and sense of power.

Well, guess what? I’d been doing all of the “wrong things”. Turns out, according to the author, saving a marriage often requires behavior that is not intuitive at that time. Sure, give any one a few months, and they’ll realize they’ve been a bit desperate and probably eventually stop, but this is very hard to do when your entire world falls below your feet. Your first instinct, of course, is to stop the distance immediately at all costs. This often doesn’t place you in your best light.

Despite my anger at having been the biggest, most desperate ex ever, I did understand the book’s good points. The author was brilliant at providing check lists so that you can pick out your situation and then gives you a road map to fix it. After reading the book, I saw my roadmap quickly, but I wasn’t going to anything about it. Because I was going to be several hundred miles away.

My trip was actually exactly what I needed. My misery and desperation no longer had a death grip on me. Getting away from the situation was a breath of fresh air. I didn’t realize I was drowning not waving. It was wonderful to see people who loved me just as I was, without picking apart my flaws. I craved more of this. I made arrangements for two of our (and now my) good friends to come and see me at my home in a few weeks. This gave me something to look forward to.

Believe it or not, when I got back, I was not even that desperate to pick the difficult dance back up. I just wanted to keep up with my serenity and I didn’t want to take a step back. I was too tired to start it back up again. Frankly, I was ready to give in and wave my white surrender flag when a strange thing happened. Part Three – The Surprising Turnaround Here.

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